Misfit Manor…grief is the thief of joy

The loss of Rosie is something that I have not been able to write about for months. We had to say our final good bye to Rosie on June 8th. The wound of losing her feels as raw today as it did that day. Every time we lose a Misfit my heart is broken but this time is different. This time I feel a level of grief I have never experienced before. My grief is intense and relentless.

She was only 4 years old…she deserved so much more time…she deserved so much more than the broken little body she was given. Her neurologist said she was a genetic tragedy…no explanation and no fix for her broken little body. Everything abut her life was so unfair.

When we first brought Rosie home the biggest challenge was getting her to eat. She did not want to eat. Bret and I both felt that it was the first time we took in a dog that simply didn’t have a desire to live anymore. We had done a session with a pet psychic with her which revealed a lot about how she felt physically but also that she didn’t believe anyone wanted her. She did not believe that Bret and I were going to keep her. We worked so hard to change her mind and win her over. Eventually we did win her over…and for 3 years I was rarely away from her and when I was it only for a few hours to run errands.

Taking care of Rosie has been one of the best experiences of my life…she was so sweet and beautiful and was up for just about anything as long as we were together. In hindsight it was so much work to care for her…she needed me 24/7…the last few weeks I was up most nights several times a night with her…but it never felt like work or a bother. I loved every minute of caring for her and I feel completely lost without her even after all of this time.

I will never forget her huge brown eyes…the noise she made when she tried to bark (so precious)…the way she would slap my cell phone out of my hand (she hated competing with the phone for my attention)…how crazy she went for a pupperccino. Despite all of her physical challenges she was happy and my constant companion…always smiling at me…always staring at me!

Her death is the thief that has stolen my joy. I don’t even know where to start trying to figure out how to heal from this anymore. I look at the rest of my Misfits and almost feel guilty for not being the same person with the same heart anymore. I go through the motions each day taking care of them but I’m doing it with a broken heart…the joy is gone for now.

I hope that Rosie found Betty and Millie on the other side. I hope somehow she can see me and that she knows how badly I miss her. I cannot wait for the day I see her and all the rest of my Misfits who have passed again.

Hug your babies…every single day matters.

Nancy & The Misfits